It's Time to Blow Your Own Trumpet

At least give yourself a cheeky toot! Why talking yourself up before stepping on stage makes all the difference.

New Zealanders are world-famous for being humble. We grow up with an unwritten rule: don’t “blow your own trumpet.” To say you’re good at something feels dangerously close to arrogance. But if you don’t believe in yourself, who will?

Dom Harvey often ends his podcast by asking guests: Do you feel proud of yourself? You’d think it’s the easiest question in the world. But time and again, people stumble. They pause. They mutter something like, “I suppose so.” Only a brave handful answer with a confident “Yes. Yes, I am proud.”

That hesitation is Tall Poppy Syndrome in action. Our national allergy to standing tall. And it sneaks with us onto the stage. If you don’t feel comfortable owning your story, of course, you’ll feel nervous about sharing it.

But here’s the flip side: when you do feel excited and proud of what you’re about to say, your speech is more natural, warm, and engaging. The audience leans in.

The Cost of Cutting Ourselves Down

Research backs this up. Dr Jo Kirkwood (Otago Polytechnic) and Professor Rod McNaughton (University of Auckland) found that tall poppy syndrome isn’t just a bit of Kiwi banter; it can cause self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and even lost opportunities.

• In Kirkwood’s study, over half of New Zealand entrepreneurs said they had been “cut down to size” through Tall Poppy Syndrome.

• A 2022 survey of nearly 300 people showed cutting remarks came most often from colleagues, face-to-face, not just online (University of Auckland report).

If we’re constantly trimming our own tall poppies, no wonder so many of us feel shaky when we step up to a microphone.

What Positive Self-Talk Does

So how do you quieten the nerves? By changing the conversation - the one you have with yourself.

Sports psychology has been onto this for years. Athletes train not just their bodies, but their inner voice too. A Frontiers in Psychology article sums it up neatly: “Self-talk can enhance attention, motivation, and performance”. Swap the sports field for a speaking stage, and the principle still holds true.

In other words: talk yourself up, and you stand taller.

Changing the Narrative

It doesn’t have to be cheesy. It can be practical and playful.

• Mirror notes: Write “You’ve got this”, “You deserve this opportunity”, “You know what you are talking about” on a post-it. Read it while you brush your teeth.

• Car chats: Instead of rehearsing the fear (“I’m nervous”), rehearse the excitement: “I’m excited to share this story/message/research.”

• Reframe the nerves: Nerves and excitement feel the same in your body - sweaty palms, racing heart. The story you tell yourself is the difference.

• Own your pride: Before you go on stage, ask yourself Dom Harvey’s question: “Am I proud? Of myself / my work / my research / my journey?” Then practise answering yes.

Words to Say Out Loud

Here are some quick speech openers you can also try:

• “I’m excited to share this story with you today.”

• “I’m looking forward to seeing your thoughts on this data.”

• “I’m proud of the work that’s led to this moment, and I can’t wait to tell you about it.”

Say them out loud, even in the car. Yes, you might feel silly. But better silly in the car than shaky on stage.

Talk Yourself Up

They say talk is cheap. But the way you talk to yourself before stepping on stage? Absolutely priceless.

Your audience doesn’t just want your content. They want you - confident, excited, proud. And when you practise talking yourself up, you don’t just give a speech. You give people a reason to listen.

So, the next time you’re about to step up to the mic, skip the nerves soundtrack and swap it for something a little kinder. Remind yourself: I’m excited. I’m prepared. I’ve got this. Because when you talk to yourself like your biggest fan, your audience feels it too.

After all, if you can’t blow your own trumpet, at least give it a cheeky toot before you walk on stage.